What to Do When You're Depressed
Therapist-backed tips
Having depression is like wearing a dark pair of sunglasses. It starts to color your worldview and suddenly everything can feel very hollow and hopeless. You might find that things which used to bring you joy, now are met with a deep sense of numbness. Your thoughts may begin to get increasingly negative. You might wonder what the purpose or meaning of life is. You may start to struggle with suicidal thoughts or just think to yourself ‘what the point.’
Unfortunately, many people who are struggling, may not even realize it. If they do recognize it, it can be tough to know what to do. There is no guidebook for how to cope, when small tasks (like taking a shower) feel like they take Herculean efforts.
As a therapist in private practice, the following are four tips for coping if you are struggling with depression.
1. Reach out for help from a professional.
Depression is a serious mental illness. However, it’s also highly treatable. If you are struggling with depression, it’s so important that you reach out for help from a professional. Look for a therapist, psychiatrist (medication can be life-changing for some-as can therapy), or doctor, in your area who you can reach out to.
Seeking help is a sign of true strength, not weakness. If your depression is telling you that you don’t deserve to get help, please do not listen to it. Like a toxic partner, your depression wants you to stay trapped. However, all people who are suffering deserve to seek help and support. You don’t have to continue to feel this hopeless and alone.
2. Recognize the stories that your mind is telling you.
We all have thousands of thoughts per day. However, not everything that we think is a fact. When you are struggling with depression, often your thoughts become increasingly pessimistic and negative.
The first step is starting to be aware of the stories that you are telling yourself. After you are able to recognize the stories, you can focus on some more helpful “healthy self,” coping statement that you can tell yourself.
Some examples:
Depressed Self:
No one really cares about you. You’re just a burden.
Authentic Self:
That’s the depression talking. The people who love me may not always understand, but that doesn’t mean I’m a burden. I matter. I deserve support, just like anyone else.
Depressed Self:
Nothing’s ever going to get better. Why even try?
Authentic Self:
It’s hard to believe things will change when I feel this low, but that doesn’t mean it’s true. Feelings are not facts. I’ve had better days before, and they can come again—even if I don’t feel that right now.
3. Do an “opposite action.”
A dialectical behavioral therapy (DBT) skill that I love is called “opposite action.” When someone is struggling with depression, often they feel the urge to isolate from others, to stay in bed, and to avoid certain situations. If this is the case, it’s important to push yourself to take “opposite action.” For instance, if you are feeling like isolating, you could consider calling or texting a friend or family member to spend time together. If you are experiencing the urge to stay in bed, think about an activity that you could go do.
Your depression may cause you to not “feel like” socializing or going outside. However, it’s important to take these actions to boost your mood-even if you don’t “feel like it” initially.
The depressed part of you may engage in actions (or avoid things) that will serve to keep you feeling depressed. This can be an exhausting feedback loop. The opposite action skill helps you to practice doing the things that you would typically do if you were not feeling depression.
Action often comes before motivation in depression recovery—so the goal isn’t to feel good right away, but to move toward what matters.
Take It One Moment at a Time
When you’re in the depths of depression, the idea of getting through the day can feel overwhelming. So zoom in. Sometimes, all you need to do is get through this moment. Then the next.
Ask yourself:
What’s one kind thing I can do for myself in the next 10 minutes?
What’s one step I can take right now—not forever, just for now?
This moment-by-moment mindset builds emotional resilience. It helps shrink the mountain into smaller steps—and that’s how healing begins. Not all at once, but one small step at a time.
Practice self-compassion.
“Beating yourself up” for experiencing depression, will only serve to make you feel even worse. It’s not your fault that you are suffering from depression. Mental illnesses are not a choice. No one would choose to isolate themselves from people they care about, to feel hopeless and numb, and to struggle with getting out of bed, showering, socializing or leaving the house.
It’s so important to be kind to yourself and to recognize that you are not certainly alone in struggling with depression.
Think about some nice self-care activities that you can do for yourself and work to try to speak to yourself compassionately, as you would a good friend who was suffering.
There Is Hope
It may not feel like it right now when the voice of depression is especially loud, however I want you to know that things can and will get better.
Please reach out for help, as no one should have to struggle with depression alone. With access to the right treatment and support you can learn how to cope-and even thrive.
You are so much stronger than you think.
Reach out here for therapy.
Jennifer Rollin, MSW, LCSW-C: Reach out for therapy here. Jennifer is an eating disorder therapist and founder of The Eating Disorder Center in Rockville, Maryland. The Eating Disorder Center sees teens and adults for outpatient eating disorder therapy in Maryland, Virginia, DC, Pennsylvania, Florida, New York, and California, as well as recovery coaching worldwide. Jennifer is the co-author of The Inside Scoop on Eating Disorder Recovery.