The Dialectics of Motherhood
Reflections As A New Mom Of Two
At the moment, I am 5 weeks postpartum with my second child. Don’t let the above picture fool you. It’s a photo that I took last year. Currently, I am sitting on my couch in mismatched PJ’s with my hair in a messy bun. Postpartum is a really interesting time. From sleep deprivation, adjusting to a new role, connecting to a new little person, physical healing, hormones-it’s a lot. And it’s also a really beautiful time.
Sometimes, I feel overwhelmed with gratitude. I always dreamed of being a mom and having kids and for a while-I thought that might never happen. It feels surreal that I have two children and am married to the love of my life. Other times, my husband and I are tired and stressed- both from the sleep deprivation and from adjusting to now having two young kids.
This got me to think about how motherhood is truly an experience in dialectics.
DBT aka dialectical behavioral therapy is one of the types of therapy that I like. A dialectic is the idea that two opposing things can be true at the same time.
I feel like moms, especially moms of young kids can totally understand how this happens in motherhood. How some nights you long for your toddler to go to sleep so that you can get a moment of personal time AND after they are finally asleep you find yourself missing them and scrolling through pictures. How hard the toddler tantrums can be, yet in the next moment you will be filled with joy about how cute and fun your toddler is.
Back when I was struggling with an eating disorder, I used to try to do anything that I could to escape and numb out from my emotions. And I think something big and important to work on (whether you struggle with an eating disorder or not) is learning how to make non judgmental space for your emotions. Often, I think that we want to quickly jump out of the emotion because it feels too painful or uncomfortable. But, we find our true power in learning how to make space for them and be with our feelings. Emotions are not good or bad-they are simply messengers. And sometimes we experience multiple seemingly opposing emotions at one time. That is 100 percent ok and normal.
Multiple friends have asked me how it feels to now be a mom to two. I have struggled to sum it up. It’s one of the most beautiful things i’ve ever experienced. When my toddler melts into my arms, asks me to pick him up, or says things like ‘I love baby,’ it’s the best. I look forward to watching our new baby grow up and get to the point where they can play together. It’s also an adjustment, like any new role in life. I never realized for instance it would take so long to get everything together to leave the house with a newborn and a 20 month old. But I think that with time and practice we will get used to it.
Sending compassion to other moms in the postpartum period. I see you and all of the effort that you’re putting in. I’m right there with you. I hope you can let yourself feel all of your feelings and take it one moment at a time.